Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
