Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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