Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
