im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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