We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
