i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It's like God shit irony all over that family
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Randomize
