Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
