Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
