before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
