Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize