So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
