She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
