Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
