and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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