my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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