he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
