Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
