new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
