Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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