just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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