I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
