The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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