come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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