Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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