if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
