You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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