i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The power of my boobs compel you
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize