guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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