guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
