Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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