My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
