i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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