and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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