Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
