You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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