**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
