Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
