Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
