i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
