Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
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