She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
