Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
