I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
