you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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