with your own penis?
one two three fourrrrnication!
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
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is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
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you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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