If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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