you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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