Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
