U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
