Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
