he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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