The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
