dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
