i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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