her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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