So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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