Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
