I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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