went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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